For the last eight or so months I’ve been struggling with chronic pain. I hate saying that chronic pain. It makes me sound like I’ve got a serious problem. I don’t want to think of myself as having a serious problem- but lately I feel like it could be a serious problem.
It started as what felt like constant, nagging growing pains in my legs. I thought it was because of Lincoln at first. It made sense if you think about it. I’d had a baby several months earlier (this was around June or July), and after that I was experiencing some weird aches and pains. Not quite normal but also not a huge deal and I thought it would go away.
When it didn’t go away I did what any 21st century, social media using person does and posted on Facebook and Instagram asking for advice on what to do. Face palm. This gave me no information beyond that other people had been in pain before and that I should probably see a doctor.
Instead of doing that, I decided to wait on it. Maybe it would go away if I gave it more time. We got a new mattress. That wasn’t helping with the aching, but I was at least sleeping a little more soundly. Sleep helped the pain feel more manageable, and if it was really bad I just took an ibuprofen and brushed it off.
Into the fall semester things started to get worse. It started to spread up my back and through my arms. I knew I needed to see a doctor but I was so busy with school and all the observation hours I needed to do and then when I was home I was focused on my family, homework, or housework (in that order). I kind of just thought it was stress.
The worst of it started towards the end of the semester. Jaw pain started to set in. It would go for days without feeling any better. Again I pushed it off. It was probably only getting like that because of the stress of finishing out the semester!
But when the semester ended and I didn’t start to feel better I knew that it wasn’t just stress, or because I was having a hard time sleeping, or because of Lincoln. Something was/is wrong.
At this point the pain is pretty much from my ankles all the way up through my jaw. Somedays it feels like growing pains still, and those days are the easiest. Some days, like the last couple days, are just bad. And not bad enough that I can’t get out of bed or that my body is totally incapable, but I’d say on a scale of 1-10 it’s a 5 or 6. It hurts. It radiates through my body. I don’t feel well.
Today I took a step towards fixing that problem and finally went to the doctor. He wasn’t sure what it could be, obviously if it’s the first time I’m bringing this up there’s no way he could tell me exactly what’s wrong or what we can do to fix it. But he did say that a) it wasn’t normal and b) I need to get blood work done. So that’s what I’m doing.
In two weeks I’m going back to the doctor and hopefully he’ll be able to tell me what’s going on or push me in the right direction to be able to get the help I need. If not I don’t know what I’ll do, because I’m tired of feeling like this.
The hardest part of it all isn’t even the physical feeling of being in pain. It’s that there’s no “sign” of how I’m feeling except how I feel. If there were some kind of outwardly physical symptom then it wouldn’t be so abstract. But it is- you can’t see how I’m feeling. So when I talk about it, I feel a little bit crazy. Like maybe I’m just thinking about it too much and making myself feel bad. It makes me feel like Jake thinks I’m being overdramatic when I just want to lay on the couch, or like the doctor would think I was making things up to get on medication (which I don’t even want). That sounds silly, but that’s honestly how I feel. Not that I would wish myself any other symptoms.
I will say though, even though I feel pretty bad, I’m also feeling grateful that I’m still feeling good enough to carry my kids around and play with them and to just generally be okay enough to do all the things I need to.
So yeah, I just wanted to share a little life update with you all. It’s been kind of unpleasant lately, but I have hope it will get better soon!