Today was a bad day.
After a really great date night yesterday with Jake and a good morning and afternoon with the boys on an adventure, we had a crazy power struggle before bed.
I’m serious when I say I’ve never seen Easton like I did tonight. He was kicking and shrieking and crying and hitting and biting. And while we’ve dealt with temper tantrums galore over the last couple of years, this was like something out of a horror movie.
The scariest part was just not knowing how to handle it. I felt overwhelmed and stressed, and I definitely had one of those “okay well obviously I can’t handle this so I just need to go lock myself in the bathroom and cry” moments.
Then the baby started fussing (one of those I will only not cry if you’re holding me in the one position that’s inconvenient for you cries) and I contemplated dropping everything and moving to China.
But just before I ran off to sulk, Jake stepped in.
He took care Easton’s fussing while I fed the baby, then when I finally got Easton settled he rocked the baby to sleep so I could take a breather.
And when Easton came out of bed and woke up the baby he rocked him to sleep again.
I love my husband. He is an amazing dad and is great at handling things, but my inner control freak often denies him the credit he deserves. I have a tendency to force myself to fill every capacity at home and like to think that if I don’t do everything, things will fall apart. I don’t know why I’m like that but I am, and because of that Jake often ends up in this weird position where I’m both not letting him do things and frustrated that he’s not doing things (because I’m actually a crazy person).
I think that I just want to be able to deal with it all, but I’m just one person and I can’t always deal with it all.
So tonight I’m really grateful for my husband. I’m grateful that he’s incredibly hardworking and devotes so much of his time to work and school.
I’m also grateful for how much he loves Easton and Lincoln.
You may or may not know, but Easton is actually not biologically related to Jake.
When I was 17 I got pregnant by my high school boyfriend. It’s a long and complicated story that I’ll share another time, but ultimately we did not end up together.
After Easton was born my family (parents, siblings, Easton & I) moved from Reno to Las Vegas. It was once we were living here that I reconnected with Jake, whom I had “dated” my freshmen year of high school and not talked to at all after that.
Because Easton was my priority, the first time Jake and I went out (and just about every time after that) he went with us. Jake never once complained or acted weirded out or uncomfortable that the girl he was going out with brought her baby with her- he just went along with it. In fact, the second time we ever hung out someone, who didn’t know us and assumed Jake was Easton’s dad, told him that Easton looked just like him and he went along with it.
Now that we’ve been married for two years I’ve gotten to see how much Jake loves Easton, and now Lincoln too. I’m so grateful every single day that we met and that everything happened how it did. I’m 100% sure things worked out this way on purpose.
And thinking about all of this reassures me that even when I feel like crap about the way tonight went down, I still have a teammate to fall back on; Someone to tag in when I just cannot handle it any more.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go cuddle with him.