I love being married. It’s absolutely my favorite thing in the whole wide world. Being able to spend everyday with my sweet and wonderful husband Jake makes me so happy!
But sometimes in our marriage I run into a problem, nay, a perpetual stumbling block. No matter how hard I try to make Jake tell me every single little tiny detail of what would make him feel loved, I just can’t for the life of me. He doesn’t open up that way. And while I could write him a novel about all of the teeny-itty-bitty ways that would make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, my husband is not like that.
My husband is not a quiet or shy man. He voices his opinions and shares his thoughts with little regard for whether or not he needs to be sensitive (and I love him for it, even though I’m the complete opposite). He unabashedly states truths and is not afraid to give people a reality check, but when it comes to his innermost thoughts and feelings it can be hard to get him to crack.
He swears it’s because he’s a simple man, but I think it’s because he thinks it’s lame to be emotional.
I make up for his emotional side (or lack thereof) in ten-fold.
The reality of it is that many men just don’t open up or share their feelings in the same way women do. This can make it hard for women to understand because we are such verbal creatures. It’s our nature, in the same way it’s typically in a man’s nature to either hold back or just not care that much.
(I’m not actually sure which it is, but I’m making a guess)
But no matter how confusing your husband is, or how much time you spend wondering what is my husband thinking about? it’s still true that he needs to feel loved and appreciated- even if he doesn’t tell you how he wants you to love or appreciate him.
Men, like women, need affection, attention, and intimacy.
After almost two years of marriage we’re still pretty new to the game but I can say that one of the hardest parts of being married can be understanding how to make your spouse feel special and appreciated. This only becomes harder when you add kids into the mix. We all know that in order to have a happy and satisfying relationship both partners need to feel loved, but sometimes life just gets in the way. To make things worse, men aren’t always the greatest at expressing their emotions and women aren’t always great at understanding what men actually want (and surprise! It’s not just sex all the time). It is super important to make sure your man feels loved, needed, and wanted so here are 7 easy ways to spoil your husband.
- Make his favorite home cooked meal. This is something that can either be really simple or really difficult. Maybe his favorite food is something you’re not great at making, or maybe you’re like me and really hate cooking. Regardless of whether you’re a pro or avoid your oven like you would the plague, guys love food and he’ll appreciate that you went out of your way to make something you know he’d want.
- Let him have a night at home alone. This is especially nice when you’ve got kids and busy schedules. Give him a break from the demands of parenting, leave him some leftovers (or order him a pizza on your way out), and tell him to have fun playing his video games or watching all the tv shows you don’t like watching or whatever he wants to do!
- Tell him how much you love and need him. One of the easiest things we can do is tell our husbands how much we love them and how great it is that they’re in our lives but sometimes it’s so easy that it just gets overlooked. So snuggle up and tell him. He needs to hear it and you need to say it.
- Watch the thing he wants to watch. Husbands and wives usually have different interests. Sometimes these differing interests include certain TV shows, movies, or sporting events. Show him that his interests are important to you and let him watch it. Even if it’s stupid, even if it’s the same night as the Bachelor, even if you’re so sick of watching football you could cry. Oh and extra points if you sit and watch it with him.
- Take him out on a special date night and do things he wants to do. When we go out for a date night usually it’s me that decides if it’s something we can do or not. And my ideas of a special date usually aren’t quite the same as my husband’s. So instead of thinking about what you would like to do, try to think about what he would like to do. Even if it’s not something you’re interested in at all.
- Surprise him with something he wants but wouldn’t get for himself. Some guys like books. Some guys like video games. Some guys like shoes. Some guys like hunting gear. Whatever it is that he’s been eyeing, surprise him with it. And don’t make it a big deal or turn it into well I got you this, so you need to do xyz. Just give him a thoughtful gift- no strings attached.
- Sexy time. I had to put it on the list because most guys really love it and enjoy the physical intimacy that comes with it. Guys want to feel wanted, too. Slip into that thing that you feel a little silly for wearing, give him one hundred percent of your attention, and make him feel wanted. A little lovin’ goes a long way.
And whatever you do remember to do it without complaining or nagging or whining! Our poor husband’s deal with our drama enough (seriously though, thanks guys).
These 7 seemingly easy to do ideas are not only effective, but they speak to different love languages. You can learn more about love languages by clicking here.
Knowing your partners love language can make the difference between an okay relationship and a satisfied relationship. If you’re unfamiliar with the 5 love languages they are physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation and receiving gifts. These 5 different love languages are essentially the way that different individuals feel loved. Most people have one (or two) that are the most important ways they feel loved.
You can find out what your love language is by clicking here!
If you know your husbands love language, understanding what makes him feel important and loved can bring on a big change in your relationship.
For example, you may assume that your spouse really likes getting gifts. You may buy him all the gifts in the world and think that he feels so loved and appreciated. While he may think it’s a nice gesture for you to buy the gifts, it may not do anything for him or really make him feel loved or understood (this is big for me personally; I appreciate gifts, but unless they’re very well thought out it doesn’t make me feel any more loved).
Another example would be that you think your husband, who is a man and all men just love sex all the time, right?!, must feel love through sex and being physical. So you’re constantly hanging on him, touching him, doing it (sorry if that sounds creepy but we’re all adults here), etc. Come to find out he hates when you hang on him and he’s often feeling touched out which is why you’re arguing with him all the time over things that should be no big deal.
So what does this have to do with the 7 Easy Ways to Spoil Your Man I listed above? Go back and read through them again, this time thinking about each of the five love languages. As you can see, there’s one for each of them from cooking his favorite meal to surprising him with a gift or treat!
It’s no secret that guys can be hard to read sometimes. They don’t think quite the same way as we do, and they tend to be less forthcoming about their emotions. While this can create challenges in a relationship if you let it turn into an issue, by learning about your husband and what he enjoys you can create a better and stronger marriage.
I’d like to end this little blog post with a challenge for all of you lovely women and wives. No matter what you’ve got going on, make it a priority to find sometime in the next week to sit down with your husband and learn about his love language. Make him take the quiz (even if he thinks its stupid).
After he’s taken the quiz, pick an item from this list that suits his love language.
I guarantee that he’ll feel the love.